Let’s Talk About Grief: Understanding Loss and Healing Through Connection
Grief is one of the most universal yet deeply personal experiences we go through in life. Whether it’s the loss of a loved one, a divorce, a job loss, or another form of heartbreak, grief can be overwhelming, confusing, and isolating.
In Episode 4 of Dialogues About Death, Chris Miller of Thomas Miller Mortuary & Crematory shares insights, experiences, and advice on navigating grief with compassion and understanding.
This blog explores how to support a grieving friend, ways to process grief, the five stages of grief, and how loss can change the way we see the world.
How to Comfort a Friend Who Has Lost a Loved One
Chris’s Advice: “The most important thing you can do is simply be present. Show up, listen, and let them know they are not alone. Your presence is the greatest gift you can give.”
Ways to Support a Grieving Friend:
- ✔️ Be Present – Sometimes, no words are needed. Just sit with them.
- ✔️ Listen More, Speak Less – Let them talk about their feelings at their own pace.
- ✔️ Acknowledge Their Pain – Avoid saying, “They’re in a better place” or “At least they lived a long life.” Instead, say “I’m so sorry for your loss” or “I’m here for you.”
- ✔️ Share Memories – If they’re comfortable, talk about their loved one in a positive way.
- ✔️ Offer Practical Help – Cook a meal, run errands, or help with daily tasks.
“Many people avoid talking about the person who has passed, but mentioning their name and sharing memories can be incredibly healing.”
What’s the Best Way to Process Grief?
Grief is a journey, not a destination. There’s no “right” way to grieve, and everyone experiences it differently.
- ✔️ Stay Connected – Isolation can make grief worse. Spend time with family, friends, or a support group.
- ✔️ Express Yourself – Talk, write, or create something in honor of your loved one.
- ✔️ Establish Rituals – Light a candle, visit a special place, or start a tradition in their memory.
- ✔️ Take Care of Yourself – Sleep, eat well, exercise, and don’t ignore your mental health.
- ✔️ Seek Professional Help if Needed – Therapy or grief counseling can be incredibly beneficial.
Chris’s Personal Experience: “When I lost my wife, I knew I couldn’t shut down. I kept engaging in my community, staying connected, and talking about her. That’s what helped me heal.”
📌 Did you know? Thomas Miller Mortuary offers free grief counseling and online grief support for families they serve. If you need help, don’t hesitate to reach out.
The Five Stages of Grief (And Why They’re Not Always Linear)
Psychiatrist Elisabeth Kübler-Ross introduced the Five Stages of Grief, which many people experience in different ways:
- 1️⃣ Denial – “This can’t be happening.”
- 2️⃣ Anger – “Why did this happen? Who is to blame?”
- 3️⃣ Bargaining – “If only I had done something differently.”
- 4️⃣ Depression – Deep sadness and withdrawal.
- 5️⃣ Acceptance – Finding peace with the loss.
“Everyone moves through these stages at their own pace. Some may skip stages or revisit them multiple times. Grief is personal—there is no ‘normal’ way to grieve.”
📌 Chris’s Advice: “If you find yourself stuck in a stage of grief—especially anger or depression—reach out for support. You don’t have to go through this alone.”
How Does Grief Change the Way You See the World?
Experiencing a deep loss shifts our perspective on life, priorities, and even relationships.
- ✔️ Greater Empathy – You become more compassionate toward others facing loss.
- ✔️ A New Appreciation for Life – You realize how fragile and precious time is.
- ✔️ Shifts in Priorities – What once seemed important may no longer matter.
- ✔️ A Sense of Purpose – Many find ways to honor their loved ones through service or legacy projects.
Chris’s Perspective: “Losing my wife changed the way I serve families in my funeral home. I became more empathetic, more engaged, and more aware of how deeply grief impacts people. It made me better at what I do.”
📌 Ways to Find Meaning After Loss:
- ✔️ Start a charity or project in their honor.
- ✔️ Write a book or blog about their life.
- ✔️ Carry on their values through acts of kindness.
- ✔️ Create a photo album, scrapbook, or tribute video.
Chris’s Personal Example: “My wife Rhonda loved working at a food pantry. Every year, I donate to that same pantry in her memory. It’s a small way to keep her legacy alive.”
Self-Care While Grieving: Why It’s Essential
Grieving takes a physical and emotional toll. It’s important to take care of yourself, even when it feels difficult.
- ✔️ Eat well and stay hydrated.
- ✔️ Get enough sleep.
- ✔️ Move your body—go for walks or do gentle exercises.
- ✔️ Spend time outdoors.
- ✔️ Engage in activities that bring you comfort—reading, painting, music, etc.
- ✔️ Ask for help when you need it.
Chris’s Personal Lesson: “When my wife was sick, I neglected my own health. After she passed, I realized I needed to take care of myself—not just for me, but for my children and my future.”
Final Thoughts: Grief Isn’t About “Moving On,” It’s About Moving Forward
Grief doesn’t have a timeline. It’s not about “getting over” a loss—it’s about learning how to carry love and memories forward while still living your own life.
Chris’s Closing Advice: “Love makes the world go around. When someone you love is grieving, be there. When you are grieving, allow yourself to be supported. No one should go through grief alone.”
📌 Key Takeaways:
- ✔️ There’s no right way to grieve. Everyone’s journey is unique.
- ✔️ Being present is the best way to support a grieving friend.
- ✔️ Staying connected and engaging with others can help ease grief.
- ✔️ If you’re struggling, reach out for support—you don’t have to go through it alone.
- ✔️ Grief changes us—but it also gives us the opportunity to grow, love, and live with greater purpose.
💡 Need Grief Support? Thomas Miller Mortuary offers free grief resources and support services. Visit their website or call (951) 737-3244 for more information.
📌 Watch the full episode here: Let’s Talk About Grief – YouTube
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