Dialogues About Death | E14: How to Get Clarity on the Unexpected

How to Get Clarity on the Unexpected: Debunking Funeral Myths and Answering Common Questions

Planning a funeral is never easy, especially when unexpected circumstances arise. In Episode 14 of Dialogues About Death, host Chris Miller, funeral director at Thomas Miller Mortuary and Crematory, tackled common myths and questions surrounding funeral planning. From the timing of services to unexpected situations, this episode provided valuable insights for families navigating loss.

How Soon Should a Funeral Be Scheduled?

One of the biggest myths surrounding funerals is that services must be held within 24 to 48 hours of a loved one’s passing. While this was more common in the past due to limited preservation methods, modern embalming technology allows families more time to plan.

Traditional Timeline: Years ago, funerals were typically scheduled within 3 to 5 days after death.
Current Norm: Today, due to family members often being spread across different locations, the average funeral is scheduled 7 to 14 days after death.
Veteran Burials: If a veteran is being laid to rest at a national cemetery, the wait can be 2 to 3 weeks due to high demand.

For some families, waiting even longer may be preferable. Many memorial services now take place weeks or even months after a loved one’s passing to accommodate travel schedules and allow time for gathering photos, videos, and tributes.

💡 Tip: Consider using a shared Google Drive to collect photos and videos from friends and family. This makes it easier to create a slideshow or memory book for the service.

Can You Have a Funeral on a Sunday?

Another common question is whether funerals can be held on a Sunday. While funeral homes are open, the challenge is securing clergy members who are typically occupied with church services.

However, families do have options:

✔ You can hold a private memorial in a backyard or offsite venue.
✔ A family member or friend can officiate instead of a religious leader.
✔ Sundays are often used for viewings or visitations, allowing more people to attend.

There’s no rule saying a funeral must be held in a place of worship or led by a clergy member. If a Sunday service works best for your family, a creative approach can make it possible.

Handling the Truly Unexpected: Real Stories from the Funeral Home

Beyond planning logistics, the unexpected can sometimes happen in ways you’d never anticipate. Here are two real-life stories Chris shared from his experience as a funeral director.

The Grocery Store Surprise

An elderly couple went grocery shopping one day, with the wife running inside while her husband waited in the car. Tragically, by the time she returned, he had passed away.

Instead of calling an ambulance or going to a hospital, she drove directly to the funeral home.

While unusual, her reasoning was simple: she knew her husband’s arrangements were with Thomas Miller Mortuary, and she wanted to avoid additional costs from hospitals or emergency responders.

💡 Lesson Learned: While this approach isn’t typical, it’s a reminder that pre-planning funeral arrangements can help loved ones feel more confident about what to do in difficult moments.

A Real-Life Notebook Love Story

A touching real-life story mirroring The Notebook happened at Thomas Miller Mortuary.

An elderly couple, married for over 50 years, lived side by side in a care home. One morning, the wife passed away. Just 12 hours later, her husband followed.

Since the couple had pre-arranged their services, the family was able to hold a double funeral, celebrating their incredible love story.

💡 Lesson Learned: While we can’t predict the future, having pre-arrangements in place allows families to focus on honoring memories rather than worrying about logistics.

Final Thoughts: There’s No Right or Wrong Way to Plan a Funeral

When it comes to honoring a loved one, there’s no single “right” way to plan a funeral. Whether you choose to schedule the service immediately or wait a few weeks, use a clergy member or have a family-led ceremony, what matters most is creating a meaningful tribute.

If you’re currently in the planning process, remember:

✅ You have options—funerals don’t have to follow strict timelines or rules.
✅ Pre-planning can ease stress—having arrangements in place helps families focus on remembering, not logistics.
✅ Love endures beyond life—as seen in the heartwarming stories shared, the bonds we build last even after we’re gone.

For those seeking guidance, Thomas Miller Mortuary & Crematory offers compassionate services across multiple locations, including:

📍 Corona Chapel: (951) 737-3244
📍 La Sierra Memorial Chapel (Riverside): (951) 687-0551
📍 Walker Family Funeral Services & The Cremation Society of Southern California

💬 What are your thoughts on funeral planning? Have you encountered unexpected situations? Share your experiences in the comments!